We all grow up knowing at least one or two overweight people in our life. They are our classmates back in our school days, our colleagues in the same office, or some random bigger strangers passing us by.
How to meet BBW (Big Beautiful Women) or plus size singles is easy with PlusCupid. The hardest part is how to deal with fat shame, fat stigma, and fat fetish. Talking about them to raise people’s awareness is probably one of the best ways to make some changes.
I met my first fat friend in college, who came off so polite that she kept making apologies for nothing, as if every word she uttered was an offense. I hate to be judgemental or general, but at that time, I felt she had low self-esteem.
Later, we became best friends because of our common interest in tennis. Except for the time we spent in training, for the rest of the 4-year college life, we clung together goofing around the campus and exploring novelties in the city.
Like all the other besties, we also liked gossiping and making fun of each other. However, the most memorable moment was our discussion about her non-mainstream and above-average body type, to be harsh, her XXL size that we rarely found something fit in a women cloth store.
As a supportive and encouraging best friend, I thought, it was my responsibility to help her build confidence. So I spoke to her like a smart ass, “Hey, I think you will be so pretty if you lose some weight. Look at your jawlines and your big eyes. They are beautiful even if you are kind of chubby.”
I said that because deep in my mind fatness is unattractive and beauty has only one standard that is to be as slim as an Instagram model. What’s worse, I was not the only one who thought that and even my friend herself, she agreed.
Constantly, she expressed her frustration to me that she hoped to shake all the extra weight and cellulite off. But she suffered from giving up her favorite food or being out of breath after excessive training. She was changing to be a more attractive person, nonetheless, she was not happy along the way.
But it never occurred to me or her why people should sabotage themselves to live in other people’s opinion and why we can’t love and celebrate who we are. When I heard that she refused to date with any big handsome man (BHM), I only made things worse by making fat people jokes - “Piggy lady has some standards.”
Of course, she felt offended hearing that. But my best friend disliked herself more and I insisted that she needed to work harder to fit herself into the frame of our cultural belief. Without any real support or consolation between us, our friendship was doomed to shamble, in the end, crashing to the ground. We never talked ever since graduation.
A few years later when I look back at the loss of our friendship, I can’t help feeling regretful and ashamed for the damage I brought to her. If I could rewind, I would not tell her what she has to do to become “attractive”, instead, I would remind her to love herself and not to fall into the anti-fatness trap. You deserve to be loved sincerely and to love bravely because fatness, chubbiness, or plus size are beautiful, lovable, and charming, as long as you’re healthy and optimistic.
Sadly, the time can’t be turned back. To relive my sorry, I start to ponder why our culture is not nice with plus size people. The bias even targets people who’re into, date with, and marry BBW. Fat attraction is portrayed as sinister or pathological issues, or worst, fat fetishism. It seems that being fat is a curse and people close to them are unwelcome, either. What's wrong with us?
Author Aubrey Gordon’s article “Such a Pretty Face”, published on Vox, quotes the study from “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” that regardless of gender and sexual orientation, porn searches for fat bodies significantly outpaced searches for thin bodies. In fact, fat porn was the 16th most popular category, outranking categories like “anal sex” (18), “group sex” (24), “fellatio” (28), and “skinny” (30). But when it comes to meeting BBW for going out, the story shifts drastically. Few people want to date a BBW unless they are in a bet to do so. Thus, appreciating BBW is dehumanized as a hidden pleasure, confined within the bedroom only. The victory of anti-fatness.
But that is so unfair, so heartbroken, and so contradictory because we are not born with fat shame. When medical world tells us obesity is bad, so our society stigmatize fat people, ignoring the fact that “the bad” actually refers to the potential diseases and bullies, not the fat people themselves. To make things worse, our pop culture depicts fat people as punchlines, undesirables, or even perverts. As a result, we are educated that way, whether in the media or the real life.
It is the world that goes wrong, not BBW nor fat admirers. So, fat admirers, you have to know fat attraction is a type. It’s time to stop asking yourself “Why am I attracted to fat girls?”. BBWs, “Fat Acceptance” is rising. It’s time to stop blaming yourself for not being the mainstream body type.
Beyond fat shaming, fat fetish is another obstacle that prevents BBW from falling in love. This doesn’t mean that all the fetishism is unacceptable, after all, we all have our own fetishes. But when we are talking about BBW dating or BBW love, fat fetish is an unavoidable topic that almost every BBW will encounter.
Due to the social stigma attached to fat people, many plus size people are in a constant struggle doubting themselves to find true love, furthermore, doubting their partner - Is him/her really into girls like me? Will it be a fat fetish? So, it is necessary to know whether the guy you are dating with is a fat admirer or an asshole with fat fetish.
What Is a Fat Admirer?
Fat admirer meaning: fat admirers are not necessarily fat themselves but they are sexually and romantically attracted to fat people. They love plus size people without any intention to influence their decision. Fat admirers are supportive, optimistic, and unbiased with the change of their partners’ weight.
What Is Fat Fetish?
Fat fetish meaning:
If the person looks for plus size singles only because he/she thinks fat people can’t never find love, they have low self-esteem, they will be loyal in a relationship, they are easy to be manipulated to have sex, and put up with everything, those are the red-flags of fat fetish.
If the person is a feeder who is not satisfied with his/her BBW partner’s weight and keeps feeding her, the person is being an asshole and that is fat fetish.
If the person only meets BBW in secret places and refuse to hold their hands in public or introduce them to his/her friends and family, those are also signs of fat fetish.
If the person meets BBW only for sex and never compliments their personality, he/she is objectifying plus size singles and that is fat fetishism, too.
When you are confident and know how to avoid fat shaming, it is time to set out looking for a BBW date. To find like-minded people, you can join BBW volunteer groups and BBW events, go to clubs, and meet someone through friends. But amid the pandemic, dating apps are probably a better and more convenient way for you to connect with the BBW community and find love.
You can try tinder but the chance to meet BBW lover there is small. PlusCupid, a rising star made for BBW dating, will boost your opportunity to find a BBW match. As simple as tinder, PlusCupid recommends hundreds and thousands of local BBW for you to match by swiping right. If you are not ready to start a BBW date, PlusCupid Moment feature also deserves your attention. Local and worldwide plus size singles are sharing life moments to connect with you.
In the End
Everybody has a type. Thin people can free to express their ideal type. So do BBW and fat admirers. Fat friends, we should accept ourselves both physically and mentally because we are sexy, beautiful, and deserve to be loved. Fat admirers, there is nothing wrong with your preference. It takes time but you should embrace it. We only live once and it is too short to live in other people’s prejudice.
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